Being a Mother is the most soul satisfying thing I have ever done. And to think, nearly all women can do it. I have been so happy since the second moment I found out I was pregnant (the first moment was terrifying!). And then Lowan's birth, while also scary (mostly due to his breathing distress) was beautiful and magnificent.
I have days where I miss my non mothering life. Days where I want to lay on the couch and watch tv and nap and live careless. But as soon as Lowan needs me, all those feelings melt away and I am more than happy to care for him. It probably helps that Kyle is an amazing father who takes on many responsibilities, so I am able to have those lazy moments. They just can't last ALL day. Once Lowan needs to eat, I am the only one who will work. But I guess even that isn't true, and it is becoming less true every day. I think when being a mother feels the most stiffiling (what a bad word, but it works) is when we want to both do something, especially at night. We are lucky to have my mom who is really helpful and loves to watch the baby. But Kyle has been having music shows; late, late gigs, that I would kind of like to go to. However, I'm not ready for Lowan to stay at someone elses house, so that means my mom would have to stay here until 12, 1, or 2 in the morning. I don't really even think I could stay up that late. But I'm sad that the option is more limited.
Anyways, more on the positive. It is amazing bringing life to the most adorable, wonderful, sweet little boy. He has so much personality it amazes both Kyle and I. We love to talk about the future things we will get to do with Lowan. Like working in the garden with Kyle, taking bike rides together (both with him in the Chariot and later on his own bike), we talk about when he goes to school, him riding his bike with his dad. These thoughts are so sweet and wonderful. And we love the now moments. The times that are changing so fast and hard to keep hold of. But they are great, we love to see Lowan changing. From the tiny newborn, to the little boy (I know, he's not yet a little boy).
Kyle and I have decided that we will only have one child. And he is very resolute in this decision, but I tell you, I have many, many moments of doubt. I love Lowan so much, with my whole body and so deep inside of me, that I can't imagine doing it all over again. So while Kyle may know for certain... we'll see! Just don't tell him!!!
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2 comments:
I have such similar feelings. Today walking down the street I thought I must be crazy to want a second child simply because I feel so fulfilled now. But, I still do! :)
It is hard to let go of everything we have to when we become moms. Yet totally worth it.
Ah so much to agree on here. Lowan is growing so fast and everything will change again when he begins to crawl, to pull up and to walk. More in email.
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